As I reflect back over the last year, I can’t shake this feeling of anticipation.

2024 was hard in so many ways.  I learned a lot, I can tell you that.  I learned how to practice happiness even when I didn’t feel it, I learned how to speak positive words over my life when little about life felt positive.  I learned to read God’s word and accept it without trying to understand it, because who can understand the mind of God?  These have not been easy things, but as I sit here, snuggled under a blanket with the hum of a football game in the background, I am very aware that I MADE IT. 

Praise the Lord!

The year started out difficult and yet exciting.  We bought a new house that we LOVE in a neighborhood we’ve dreamed of, but none of it happened without a lot of stress and WORK.  We’re no strangers to work, but this felt harder than normal.  We were selling our house and buying a new one in the dead of winter, over Christmas, and the cold, rainy days felt relentless.  We were fighting sickness while trying to move and trust me, we’re not getting any younger. The whole experience was hard on us even though we were realizing a dream come true.  I feel like some of you may read that and think I need to be more grateful for my blessings; I learned (or maybe “was reminded” is a better way to say it) in a very real way that you can be grateful in the midst of hardship.  Being honest about how hard something is, even if it is a blessing, embodies the definition of authenticity.   Something I’ve always tried to do in my writing is keep it real and the reality was, we were thrilled with our new home but overwhelmed and exhausted with all the difficulty that came along with it.

It took us months to fully recover because, not only was the move and selling our home stressful, but we had some type of mystery illness that left us exhausted.  I think this year has driven home the fact that I am not getting any younger.  I am very committed in the gym, I try to lift weights to keep my strength, but even my best attempts can’t compete with the effects of aging.  I know it helps, but facing where you are in life, realizing the years before you are fewer than the ones behind you, is a sobering fact to digest.  I felt that this year in a serious way. 

Many of you know, but in case you don’t, my husband is an airline pilot. He had an emergency landing this year due to a problem with the aircraft; it was a highly emotional time for all of us.  My husband was told he did a “phenomenal job,” but, to me, it felt a lot like danger.  You know when you go into this profession that it could be dangerous, but, like many things in life, you gamble that it won’t happen to you.  Until it does.  I’ve spent the last several months trying to come to terms with how fragile it all is.  The phone call I received could just have easily been bad news instead of good.  It took a real toll on my faith as I wrestled with God about why we struggle so on this earth.  Which takes me back to my first paragraph where I told you I’ve learned, and am learning, to take God at his word and not try and understand it.   It’s hard though, isn’t it?  Trusting even though it could all fall apart any minute, I guess that’s the very essence of faith. 

Autumn brought heartache as I lost someone very dear to me; she was a second mom in so many ways.  She’d been in our lives since before my husband and I were married thirty-two years ago. She celebrated the births of each of our three children and this October she went home to heaven.  It was unexpected to us, but I know God called her, it was no surprise to him.  I miss her.   She was feisty and open hearted and loved those around her big; I learned a lot from her, and it breaks my heart that I’ll never have another conversation with her this side of heaven.  Life hurts so much at times.

Hurricane Helene left so many in our area devastated and even homeless, I spent days volunteering and trying to find ways to make a difference, but ultimately you feel so helpless in times of catastrophe. I was, and still am, amazed at the way our community rallied together, it gave me a fresh sense of hope in mankind.

This whole year has felt like we’re riding waves of difficulty, one after another.  Thankfully, in the midst of it, some life rings were thrown to us in the form of good news or answered prayer.  Thank goodness for a break from the storm!  My daughter finally landed a job in her dream field.  As a parent of young adults I cannot tell you how deeply it effects your heart when you see your children struggling in spite of doing all the things they’re supposed to be doing.  I understand the struggle when a child needs to learn a hard lesson because of willful troubled behavior, but when they are trying so hard and nothing goes the way they’d hoped, you find yourself begging God for a break.  You long for something to happen so the child knows God is working, and his timing is perfect.  Well, that finally happened this year; the breakthrough she needed.  She still has lots of hopes and dreams and, as her mom, I am so thankful she still dreams.  I’m thankful she hasn’t let the hardship of the last several years destroy her heart.  Maybe some of you young adult parents can relate to this. 

My youngest son is still working at his dream job; he says often how fortunate he was to get the job he wanted not long after college.  He works long hours, but he really is crushing it.  An example is some of his work was showcased on the big digital billboards in Times Square, New York City.  He was thrilled but quickly reminds us that what he does requires team effort and it doesn’t come without many, MANY hours of hard work. I guess you could say he’s doing the grind hoping it pays off in the days to come.  He seems happy and that means more than anything else to this middle aged (almost senior adult aged) Mama.

My oldest son, middle child, has been living with us since he graduated with his masters in 2023.  It’s been an interesting experience watching him grow.  He came out of school with expectations that seemed too high but then, amazingly, he met some of them.  What was most interesting to me was seeing him accomplish a few lofty goals and then decide it wasn’t what he wanted in life; it didn’t make him happy like he thought it would.  And then he began the painful journey of self-reflection and redirection at an age when most are landing jobs, getting married and having children.  It has been so hard for him, for all of us really, as he has slowly moved away from what he thought were his dreams to pursue something new. The biggest problem being, he wasn’t (and still isn’t) sure what the “new’ is supposed to be; it’s a real blow to your confidence to be unsure of what you want to do with your life when you always thought you knew. Again, as a parent of young adults, you hurt with your kids.  You want them to grow and flourish and chase after what God put in their hearts. But when there is confusion and disappointment, and the way seems foggy and unsure, that’s when we double down and pray harder, right?  Yes, in theory.  But reality is a lot less cut-and-dry, and faith feels hard and stretched thin.   This year has forced me to step back and trust that even when I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel, I can trust there is one. 

By God’s grace my marriage is stronger than ever, my husband is my best friend and life partner; I am so deeply grateful for him.  He works hard for us and supports us on every front.  We found a new church near our new home and we are loving it!  With the new church has come an opportunity for a small group; we are excited to see what the future holds there.  I am still appreciating my small group that started in my previous neighborhood, we meet weekly and share our prayer requests and I have learned so much from these ladies. I love the Lord more than ever, I think I’ve learned to love him when I don’t feel him, when I don’t see him, when I feel he’s taking too long, and when I wonder if he’s completely forgotten about us.  I’m hanging onto to the PROMISES of his goodness.  And when I say hanging on I mean I’m white knuckling, holding on for dear life, because this life is hard and it hurts. 

But I KNOW he is still working.

I see it in the quiet sunrise, and in the rhythmic breathing of our Golden as he sleeps peacefully.  I hear it in the messages on Sunday and the Bible app I listen to daily.  I’m reminded when I see the smile on my daughter’s face after long answered prayer and when my youngest son tells me he loves his life right now.  I believe it for my oldest son as he tries to figure out what’s next, and for myself and husband as we face a new year together. 

God is faithful, friends. 

He just is.

It’s not as simple as I once thought, but he has proven to be a reliable, safe place to hold fast. And next year, no matter what it holds, I know he will be the same.

Happy New Year!

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you” Isaiah 43:2

My daughter, Abigail, and I