South Carolina

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I’m sitting in my new home in my new town with boxes piled high around me watching my daughter and husband piece together a bookshelf for her room.

I can’t believe I’m here.

Can’t believe I live in a new state where I know exactly ten people, this number includes the lady at the local grocery store who runs the coffee bar and the neighbors who live behind us.  That’s an improvement over last week when I only knew one.

My bones are tired.  If you didn’t know your bones could be tired then you’ve probably never moved across the country while in menopause.

It wasn’t an easy road to get here and, now that I’m here, I find there is road construction everywhere.  I mean that both literally and figuratively.

The day we left our small town and headed to South Carolina the sun was out in full form, the balmy heat caused sweat beads to form on my forehead.  But, I wasn’t sweating just because of the heat, I had to say good bye to my Dad.

This is the man who nursed my mother until she took her last breath, had open heart surgery, struggles with diabetes and is living with cancer.

I thought I might swallow my tongue trying not to cry myself into an emotional wreck.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved when it was over.  Saying goodbye is so hard.

Then, with sweat running down the back of my neck, we pulled out of the drive way and turned our caravan north.

My husband drove the giant U-Haul pulling a trailer, and I followed close behind in my SUV. I cried when we passed the final interstate exit for what had been our hometown for thirteen years.  It was tempting to take the exit and head back to where we came from, but I knew leaving was the right decision.

Moving has proven to be harder than I anticipated.

Oh, I knew I would be sad, but I didn’t expect to keep feeling sad day after day.

Don’t get me wrong, I really like this new place, there’s so much to see and do. But I left behind so many people I love, and it rips at my heart to think about it.

I tried to explain to my husband how it felt, but I’m not sure words can capture the emotions.

It’s kind of like you’re involved in a really good story, you’re the leading role (since it is your life), and suddenly you’re deleted from the plot and left to wonder how it will all play out.  Or have you ever watched a movie and it ended before you were ready?  Like what happened to the couple who finally declared their love in the last scene?  Did they get married?  Have kids?  Or what about the guy who overcomes a deadly disease?  Did he live another twenty years? 

Like seeing the whole movie and then cable goes out five minutes before the end.

Add personal emotional investment, and maybe you’ll get an idea of how this feels.

The house we bought is beautiful, the prettiest we’ve ever had.  But, it’s just cement and wood, it holds no memories yet.  I told you we met our neighbors, and they are so nice, I think we will become good friends…eventually.  I’ve eaten at so many good restaurants, such a change from where I came from since we only had about five good choices.

If you’re from the small town that was my home, I’ll let you decide which five restaurants I’m talking about.

And to top it off, the Lord answered my prayers and each of my boys got summer jobs.

Yes, I should be shouting hallelujah, but new jobs mean no time off and that means few, if any, visits to, you guessed it, South Carolina.

It’s Sunday now and a few days have passed since I started this blog.  Normally I try to write and finish my thoughts in one sitting.  I feel it captures exactly where I am in that moment.  But, with all these changes it seems my mind is unable to stay focused for long.

We have worked like dogs unpacking and now a couple of rooms resemble normalcy.  When I start to feel overwhelmed with it all, I go and stand in one of those rooms and I feel my blood pressure creep back down to where it should be.

This morning we attended a church that came highly recommended.

When we walked in I was so weary I really didn’t think I would be able to worship.  I was still so tired.  But, maybe it’s the Bible Belt raisin’ in me, I didn’t want to miss another Sunday.  So, I dragged my resistant bones into the sanctuary and sat down, desperate to receive something.

Something more than caffeine and an iced latte could provide.

The music was playing when we took our seats.

It was uplifting and I could feel my emotions respond to the joy ringing through the instruments falling on us like cool spring rain.

It was refreshing and tears began to fall.

Because the lights were dimmed, I allowed them to fall freely.

Salty tears have been a companion these days.

The message was meaningful and challenging and I found myself convicted.  I asked God for strength and forgiveness several times, whispering confessions and hopes quietly for only the two of us to hear.

When we rose to sing the final song, I closed my eyes and lifted my hands in worship.  It was in that moment I felt the affirmation I needed from the Lord.

I am in the right place.

This new place with all of its uncertainties and loneliness is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.

“Lord, this is hard, harder than I thought it would be.  But, YOU KNEW how I would feel and none of this is going to be wasted.  You promise in your word that you use the seasons of my life for my good and your glory.”

This was the prayer pouring from my heart as the lyrics and music washed over my soul.

God is faithful.

He is.

By the time you read this I will probably still be on this emotional roller coaster.  Happy to be in this new place one minute and miserable and lamenting our decision to move in the next.

But, I will HOLD ON to the TRUTH of his faithfulness to me in these days.  I will put my head down and humble myself as he takes me to higher heights and deeper depths.

Several of my friends have encouraged to treat these “new to this community” days like an adventure.

I plan to do that.

Adventures of discovery and recovery.

Literally and figuratively.

 

“What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him—”

1 Corinthians 2:9

16 comments

  1. Joan Owens · July 10, 2019

    Wow, Sandi! So many emotions to deal with! But you are there, and with your personality will have tons of friends soon! Sounds like a wonderful church service! We miss you!!!!😘

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deeper Waters · July 10, 2019

      Miss you too Joan! I am so grateful for that church service. I do believe it’s altered my heart in a very good way. I feel a lot more settled and ready to make this place my home. It’s like I needed that moment with the Lord to truly surrender to what he’s doing.🙏🏻❤️

      Like

  2. Robyn · July 10, 2019

    Love and miss you my dear friend but know that God puts us where we need to be even when we don’t feel ready.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deeper Waters · July 10, 2019

      So true, Robyn, God certainly knows what he’s doing. I just have to get my mind and heart wrapped around this place. I know he’s faithful. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Love and miss you too!💔🙏🏻

      Like

  3. Ruth · July 10, 2019

    No words from me, just thankful God gave them to you to share with us! I kind of envy you, leaving everything behind for a BRAND NEW start, a new purpose, yes, a new adventure every day! You will love it, yes you will miss your dad and friends but there is so much out there to see and explore. Did I say “ no words”? Well, anyway, I know you will be FINE, because I know you! Keep sharing, please!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deeper Waters · July 10, 2019

      Thank you so much Ruth! You’re right, there is so much opportunity here. So much to see and do, I am looking forward to what God has for me in this place. Working hard to get my mind and heart wrapped around this new normal. Thank you for your encouragement! You are a blessing!🙏🏻❤️

      Like

  4. Anonymous · July 10, 2019

    Wonderful writing! Prayers you get settled and stay at peace about being away from family! That is not easy as Steve and I both know especially with aging parents!! Make the moments count whenever you are together!! This picture of you
    looks very peaceful and calming! Possibly your new happy place!
    God’s blessings!!
    Sally

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deeper Waters · July 10, 2019

      Thank you Sally. It has been such a huge transition, bigger than I expected. But, I do feel a lot more settled after my Sunday morning worship experience. I know the Lord is going to help me find my place here in this new community. Whatever that looks like. I miss my family like crazy, thank goodness for technology!🙏🏻❤️

      Like

  5. Bettie Prestridge · July 10, 2019

    Thank you Sandi, for being true to what God has in store for you, and for sharing with us. I know you are going to do well in your new place and so is your family. Just remember we all love and miss you loot nd we are keeping you in . God loves you so much and so do we.our prayers and looking forward to you sharing your blog with us

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deeper Waters · July 10, 2019

      Thank you so much Mrs. Bettie! Goodness, you’ve been with me from the beginning of this thing! Thank you for your love and encouragement and prayers, don’t think I could continue to press on in this writing journey without faithful people in my life!❤️🙏🏻

      Like

  6. Jennifer Allen · July 10, 2019

    Sandi, Great explanation of those feelings. I felt the same way for several months. It was a hard transition. God was my strength as well. He understood like only he can, I missed my family and friends. Slowly it got better. I made friends and found places that we enjoyed. You are in my prayers daily. It’s a hard time for you, but as he says in Psalms 91, ‘For he shall give his angels charge over the, to keep the in all thy ways’ KJV ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deeper Waters · July 10, 2019

      Thank you so much Jennifer. You have been such an encouragement as of late. You fully understand exactly what I’m going through. Might’ve even been tougher on you since you moved so very far away. Thank you so much for those prayers, I know the Lord hears them. I’m going to humble myself and wait for God’s timing.🙏🏻❤️

      Like

  7. Bob Hayes · July 10, 2019

    Glad you are in your new home. I still pray to the good Lord that her give me wisdom and patience, and certainly one hardest to attain is peace . You and your affiliation with God will
    Pull you through. Will pray for you all to get settled in and are happy. Love to you all. Dr Bob.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deeper Waters · July 10, 2019

      Thank you so much Dr. Bob! I am leaning hard on Jesus. He is my rock during this transition period. You’re right, finding peace is the hardest thing, and maintaining it is even harder. 🙏🏻

      Like

  8. Anonymous · July 12, 2019

    You are an amazing writer! Miss you! Love, Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

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