I am not highly motivational or inspirational.

BUT, I DO long for those around me to grow…in every way.

I’m an encourager, maybe??

I’ve encouraged my kids their whole lives to follow their dreams.

I want to see those around me stand on the edge of the unknown and step off into it.

But, honestly, for me, it sounds super scary.

Not the idea of an adventure, but the LIVING IT OUT.  The “how I get from where I am to where I dream to be” part.  I wish I could view the “gap” in between as the adventure.

I want ALL of it from start to finish to feel adventurous.

But, it doesn’t.  It feels scary and uncertain.  Wait, did I already say that?

I lay awake some nights praying for the good Lord to open doors and calm my heart as I face days with an unknown narrative.

I like knowing when I wake up what I’m going to do for the day.

I like KNOWING.

And dreaming isn’t KNOWING.

And, of course you know, that’s the catch.

There’s no such thing as KNOWING.

There’s only faith in the impression God has laid on your heart, the word He has spoken through scripture reading or a loving friend.  Something that says, this is the way, “WALK THOU IN IT!”  I jumped off into some Old Testament language there, falling back hard on my roots.

Right now, there are so many different narratives in the lives of my family, and NONE of them seem secure.  I’m sure many of you can relate to that feeling.  I would ask God why He keeps us unsure, but I already know the answer.  It is a matter of faith, trusting in Him, believing HE knows where we’re going and that we can follow Him with assurance.

But, because I struggle with walking into the unknown, I find myself in constant dialog with the Lord.

My daughter recently graduated from college with an English degree.  She decided teaching wasn’t for her and is now awaiting direction from the Lord about what is next. Now, we KNOW God has something for her, but the wait is painful.  Especially when well-meaning folks ask if she has a job lined up or what she plans to do now.   I have asked many college graduates these same questions over the years, but I’ll be more careful in the future.  For young adults, like my daughter, who are patiently waiting and anxious for direction, this is a question to which there’s no answer.  It makes her feel like she owes an explanation for waiting instead of being giddy about her future.

And I lay awake another night asking God to show Himself faithful as my daughter cautiously steps out into the unknown to trust.

My son wants to be an actor.

It took me a long time to be able to accept this decision.  I don’t doubt his talent level for one moment, he is good at what he does.  But, a LOT of people are good at something and never get the chance to do it for a living.  This career path seems so unsure and we’ve had long talks about doing something a little “safer.”

It sure would feel safer to tell other parents, “Oh, he’s going to be a coach or a lawyer,” or anything.  Instead, when I answer the common question, “What does your son want to do when he graduates?” I say with all the enthusiasm I can muster, “he wants to act.”  If I could take a picture of the look on some of their faces you might just understand how I feel.

This son of mine has forced me to think outside of the box.

Like WAY outside the box.

Honestly, I like the comfort of my box.  It’s safe and predictable.   But, this kid…this kid wants to jump off into the unknown head first and trust he’ll have wings to fly.

I’m still back on the edge of the unknown…waiting, too afraid to move, much less jump.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not apologizing for his choices, I am just being transparent about how it feels when your child is jumping off the edge and it scares you slap to death.

I find myself admiring him more and more lately.  He’s taken a lot of “ribbing” about what he wants to do and he is undaunted.

My youngest is a sophomore in college.  He is studying graphic design.  If you could see his work you would agree he is on the right path.   He’s had the privilege being shown in a local art show.  He. Was. Thrilled.  It’s been fun watching him grow as a person and develop his talent.

He is the baby.

It nearly KILLED me when the last one left the nest.  He walked through so much of my grief with me after mom died, our bond is tight. BUT, lately he’s wanted more and more freedom.  I can tell he is trying to establish himself as a man and it is time for me to step back and allow him the space.

He’s jumping off into a different kind of unknown…adulthood.

No one tells you when you have these children how hard it will be.  Every season of growth I think to myself, “it’s going to get easier now.”  But, it doesn’t.   Let me be a voice that goes before some of you…it won’t get easier, but it is ALL WORTH IT.   Well, most days I would say it’s worth it.  Other days, I would tell you to put on a pot of coffee, grab a bag of chocolate, find a cozy blanket and head for the couch.  Anything that doesn’t get done will be waiting for you when you’re ready to face the world again.

Just a nugget of wisdom from a mom who’s been there.

It’s fun to talk about dreaming.  It’s exciting to encourage others to dream. I love to blog about dreaming and who doesn’t dream about chasing dreams?  But, it gets real when your own children start chasing ideas and hopes that are out of the norm, ones that feel impossible.  The kind that make you blush or stammer when asked by another what your child is doing these days.

That’s when you have to decide to stand by what you say you believe.

Because your kids are watching.

This year, this brand spanking New Year holds some big changes for our family.

Some are dreams come true, others are necessary because life is always changing and we have to roll with it.

I will be sharing some of these “life changers” in the next few blogs.

I have to be honest, I’m scared.

I’m on the edge of the unknown and I’ve lifted one foot off the ground…

I think it’s time I took the leap.

 

 “We can make our own plans,
but the Lord gives the right answer.

² People may be pure in their own eyes,
but the Lord examines their motives.

³ Commit your actions to the Lord,
and your plans will succeed.

⁴ The Lord has made everything for his own purposes…”

Proverbs 16:1-4a