I received such a wonderful affirmation from God today about my writing. I started this so uncertain of whether or not I was supposed to really be doing it. I just needed an outlet for all of the emotions that I was experiencing. I wanted a place to express the lessons I was learning, a place to sort through the hurt that has my held my heart captive and writing seemed the logical choice. I have written in journals and notebooks since I was young, I thought everybody did. I have been shocked at how people have responded to my writing. I guess I thought that anyone and everyone could write stories and such. I never thought of it as a gift, just an outlet. But, after receiving more encouragement than I ever dreamed, I am finding the courage to continue. My goal is to search deep inside of me and to push myself beyond my comfort zone and see what’s there. Is this really a talent or do I just have a way with written words, or is it that same thing?
When I was a little girl, I had a small notebook that I used to write stories. Then, as a teenager, I haphazardly kept a diary. Finally, as an adult I have written in too many spiral notebooks to count. It has been my life saver through tough times as a young mom to a mom of teenagers and college aged adults. I think the catalyst for me was the loss of my mom. I had to find a way to get through the emotions I was drowning in. I started by writing short posts on Facebook, those posts led to longer more meaningful posts and finally to the blog. I never thought I would have enough words to fill a sheet of single typed paper, but guess what? I do. More than that, even. I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe that anyone would want to read it, it is just my thoughts, nothing profound and certainly nothing new. But, so many of you have told me that you enjoy it, that it has spoken to you and that you can relate to it. What a blessing. That is the most important thing to me, besides glorifying God, is to be relatable. I want my writing to feel like we are sitting down having a cup of coffee together, just discussing the different happenings in our lives. I never want anyone to feel that I think I am somehow “more spiritual” or that I know more than anyone else. I just want to share the journey, to talk about it and learn from it. That is my passion. To learn together, to laugh together and to feel connected to one another along this path of life. We are all in it together, we may as well make the best of it and develop meaningful relationships along the way. I have no idea where this is all headed, I say that all the time. But, after today, I cannot deny that the Lord is definitely leading. Up until today, I knew God was in it, the driving force behind it, but I don’t know if I would’ve told you it was my calling. Let me explain what happened to me today. It may not mean much as you read the words on this page, but living it sure resonated in my needy heart.
Today (The day I am writing this.) is the eleventh month anniversary of my mom’s passing. It has been a loonnggg eleven months. Emotionally and physically draining to say the least. I know some of you have lost someone close to you so you know exactly what I mean. I wrote her a letter that I shared with you today, and my heart was so broken and tender. As I was getting ready for church, I turned on Pandora and chose the Christian radio channel. I have learned that when I am doing something kind of mindless, like my makeup, I need to have music playing to keep my mind busy. It is so easy to allow my mind to wander if I don’t intentionally fill it, and mind wandering never goes well for me. I always end up thinking the worst, it seems, so to avoid that scenario playing out, I listen to music. This morning was no exception. So many encouraging songs, lyrics and words filtering through my mind, keeping my heart lifted. As I was sitting there listening, the song “Write Your Story” by Francesca Battistelli came on. After the first verse and chorus, I was totally engaged in the song. But, it wasn’t until the chorus was playing for a second time that I felt the familiar nudge of the Holy Spirit that this was more than just a song, it was a personal message to me. I honestly felt the Lord say to me personally to in the depths of my heart “write your story.” To write. The stories of my life. What I’ve learned, what I did wrong and what I did right. All of it, well, maybe not ALL but you get the idea. It was so encouraging, more encouraging than any word from any other person. I was thrilled in my spirit. I went to church, feeling more of a purpose in all of this. Like maybe it really was more than just a hobby.
Later, during the morning worship service we were instructed to open our Bibles and read Revelation 1:19. “Write, therefore, what you have seen, what is now and what will take place later.” The word WRITE stuck out to me, and again, I felt the Lord affirm in me that I was to write. I literally had chill bumps this time. I knew that God wanted me to continue doing exactly what I was doing. Oh, I KNOW there is PLENTY of room for improvement, and I pray that I will be able to learn and be better. But, this is the start, it is the “something new” that He promised me at the beginning of this very painful year. I remember telling so many that He gave me that verse and I was holding onto it with both hands. Maybe I even told you. “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 has become a theme for me as of late. This is definitely a new thing. Not me writing things down, but that it could somehow be a blessing to anyone else. That God would use my inadequate words for HIS glory leaves me humbled and amazed.
I cannot say thank you enough to those of you who have believed in me, encouraged me and faithfully read each post. You have become my support group, whether you realize it or not. Now, I am asking you to pray for me. Pray that God will always be glorified, and that he will refine this gift in me. He is so faithful, pray that I will be as well. And, please let me know your feelings on the different things I talk about. It spurs me on when you comment, I feel that you can relate and that is the point of it all. And, who knows? You may just be in one of my stories, but don’t worry, I won’t use your real name. I always protect the identity of the innocent. Ha! Thank you so much for reading. I hope we get a chance to have a cup of coffee together sometime, and just talk about life and faith and God’s goodness. Next time you go to the coffee shop, look for me, I may just be there working on my blog and I’ll have a pumpkin spice latte, please.
A few of the words to “Write Your Story”
“I want my history
To be Your legacy
Go ahead and show this world
What You’ve done in me
And when the music fades
I want my life to say
I let You write Your story…
I’m an empty page
I’m an open book
Write Your story on my heart”