I think I’ve told you before that I am a nervous flyer. 

Yes, my husband is a pilot, but unfortunately his love of being thousands of feet in the air hasn’t transferred to me.  Interestingly, I wasn’t afraid of flying when I was young, I enjoyed it.  But, somewhere along the way a fear began to grow in me.  

A friend asked me if I could trace the fear back to when it began and I’m pretty sure it started when I was on a flight that got caught in a storm.  It was a small, really small, plane; I could see the propellers in the night sky as the lightning flashed around us.  We were bouncing around in the wind, rain pattering against the window and I remember feeling really scared that we weren’t going to be okay.

 Until then I hadn’t really thought about what “might” happen, I trusted the process. 

But that stormy night was a game changer. 

Honestly, I didn’t realize it at the time.  We landed and I went on with my life not understanding I’d been deeply affected by the feeling of how out of control it felt.  And then I didn’t fly for a long while so it didn’t occur to me that I needed to work through the stormy experience; I only realized it recently when my friend asked where the fear came from.  That got me thinking and because I’d been praying so hard to overcome the irrational fear I have of flying, her question felt like an answer to prayer. 

Find the beginning.

The years that went by after that night allowed time for fear to grow deep roots in my heart.  And, if I’m being honest, that fear has morphed into other fears that have also grown and are now having a crippling effect on my life.

So I knew without a shadow of a doubt this year it was time to begin facing things that scare me and reclaim what’s been lost.

I’ve flown on two different trips in the last month.  I’m really proud of that because it was a big step forward in freedom to board a plane and land, and then do it again several more times.  I kept praying and quoting scripture, I also used distraction and reminded myself of the stats.  Stats being the miniscule chance I have of going down in an airplane, it’s not impossible but it is highly improbable.  But what’s helped me the most is reading through Job.  Yes you read that correctly.  The book of Job in the Bible is loaded with nuggets of truth.   It’s a tragic story that has a happy ending.  Through his tragedy Job learns so much about God, and his friends.  This is a good place to remind you to choose wisely who you allow to speak into your life, words can take on a life of their own and you definitely want the words spoken to you to be life giving.  Anyway, I was listening to the Bible App, and Job 14:5 jumped out at me.  “Mortals have a limited life span.  You’ve already decided how long we’ll live, you set the boundary and no one can cross it.”  (MSG)  I know this truth is recorded many times and in different ways in the Bible, but for some reason this verse penetrated my heart.

God and God alone decides the number of our days.

What this means to me is that no airplane can take me.  Well, I guess it could, but only if it’s my time to go.  Yes, I know this is basic, and I understood it in my mind but the truth of it needed to sink into my heart.  I don’t know exactly when, but somewhere between Orlando and where I live, while traveling at several hundred miles per hour and thousands of feet in the air, it began to sink in deep enough to address the root of fear that had been growing for so long. 

Here’s a glimpse into my flight.

The Captain had already promised the flight was going to be “bumpy,” code for turbulent.  I was as prepared as I could be with my distractions and scripture but I knew it was still going to be nerve racking.  We took off and immediately the plane began to bounce and toss, I put in my earbuds and tried to focus on something besides our situation.   The young man next to me was reading like our bouncing was the most normal thing, I looked around and everyone looked like nothing out of the ordinary was happening.  I know, looks can be deceiving, but these folks really did look relaxed.  Some were sleeping, others watching movies while I gripped the arm rests and prayed under my breath.  We were probably half way through our flight, and at thirty thousand feet, when I remembered the scripture I’d read in Job.  It’s like I had an enlightening or something; I can’t really explain it except to say I realized God was in complete control and if it was my time to go, it wouldn’t matter where I was, I was going to go.  That thought sunk in deep, deep enough to reach the depths of my heart where the fear lived and I began to relax.  Really relax.  I don’t know if I would’ve had that same experience if I hadn’t been right in the middle of facing my fear. 

The truth is, the only power fear ever had over me was the power that I was giving it; fear is only a feeling after all and I can do things afraid.    

It’s taken a lot for me to understand that.     

The plane continued to bounce, my situation hadn’t changed, but my heart had.  I wasn’t fearless but I wasn’t letting fear win either.  The rest of the flight I spent looking out the window and appreciating the night sky, it was glorious!

A few days after my flight I was thinking about how it always seems like I get the turbulent ones.  They’re rarely smooth.  Then it hit me, maybe I am expecting normal to be smooth when normal is actually a bit bumpy.  The turbulence is caused by the wind and clouds, and we’ll always have those.  Maybe if I expect the bumps to be “normal,” and the smooth skies to be the exception it won’t seem so intimidating or scary.

Seems like there’s a pretty big lesson here.

Maya Angelou has a wonderful quote that has resonated with me since I read it, she said “every storm runs out of rain.”  How true.  Metaphorically speaking I’m hoping my fear-of-flying storm is running out of rain.

I hope to learn to appreciate the wind and clouds because maybe that’s where normal lies for me. 

Maybe life and flights are meant to be bumpy.

And maybe, just maybe, with prayer and practice we can learn to enjoy the ride.